I keep searching inside me, trying to figure out where the
fuck did my brain hide the fucking override switch.
Haven’t found it yet. So, basically I keep screwing up. Not
shamefully, though. The truth is I’m tired of people cornering me, I already
have my own expectations to fill, and I really don’t need everybody else’s.
Of course I’m embarrassed every time I do something
shameful, or every time I cry in public or fall or take off my clothe… but does
it really matter? I’m figuring out how to live my life, not the life of people
around me. I keep stumbling and falling and judgment and criticism is thrown at
me like everybody knows how easy it is to walk in my shoes. I’ve been watching
so many rom-coms that I started to believe anything is forgivable. And yet, isn’t
it? Don’t we all love the bad boy that becomes the good man? Like when Nate
says: “When did Chuck become the good guy?” and how about the one who cheated,
lied, killed, robbed, drank himself numb, burned down houses and we adore Damon
Salvatore? We all know Cain story but do we really care about Abel? God destroyed
entire cities and people still adore him… So, can I expect to someday become
the prodigal son, meaning daughter? Probably not.